So I’m sitting here with this chick, and I’m looking at the chick, and she’s looking at me. I’m looking at her, she’s looking at me. I’m looking at her, she’s looking at her book. I’m looking at her legs. Short skirt, bit of thigh. Shifts in her seat, more thigh. Eyeful of thigh. Lick…

I realised I was doomed when the clairvoyant offered my money back. She couldn’t even be bothered to lie about my fortune. All she needed to do was say, I see great riches, but no, professional pride stopped her. She saw only greyness and so did I. I sighed and waved the money away. She…